In a shocking turn of events, ultra conservative fast-food chain Chick-fil-A has announced a turnaround in values that has left customers in disbelief.
Previously known for their closed-on-Sundays policy and traditional values, Chick-fil-A has decided to embrace the current wave of inclusivity and diversity. Every Sunday after church, Chick-fil-A restaurants will transform into vibrant stages where employees will bedazzle customers with drag performances. The drag shows will debut in Florida and will eventually be rolled out across the nation.
“We’re excited to give our employees an opportunity to express themselves in ways they’ve never imagined before,” says Clive Wokeman, Chick-fil-A’s newly appointed Director of LGBTQ Outreach. “Sunday brunches will be a feast for your eyes, not just your stomach, and will feature our employees’ multifaceted talents.”
Patrons can expect eye-popping performances featuring catchy tunes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, daring costumes, and sexy dance moves. The menu will also receive a makeover, with the addition of “Fabulous Thigh” and “Bulbous Breast” chicken sandwiches, as well as rainbow colored “Drag Queen Delight” shakes, available exclusively on Sundays.
Naturally, this announcement hasn’t gone without criticism. Many loyal Chick-fil-A customers have clucked their disapproval, questioning the sudden departure from the chain’s traditional values. Social media is abuzz with debates about whether this move is truly a sign of progress, just a clever marketing ploy or a poke in the eye to those who decry woke culture.
Chick-fil-A, however, remains unfazed by the feathers it’s ruffling. “We’ve always believed in treating everyone with respect and dignity, regardless of their differences,” states Wokeman. “And what better way to demonstrate that than by embracing the artistry and individuality of our employees?”
To ensure the success of its Sunday Drag Brunches Chick-fil-A has enlisted the help of world-renowned drag queen, Dizzy Derpfinger, who will act as the brand ambassador and mentor to the aspiring performers. Derpfinger will also be making guest appearances at select Chick-fil-A locations, wowing customers with performances in transgender chicken outfits that – Ooh La La! -defy gravity and leave taste buds tingling.
So mark your calendars, folks, because Sundays at Chick-fil-A will never be the same again! Prepare to have your expectations shattered, your stereotypes challenged, and your taste buds tantalized, all in the name of drag and chicken sandwiches. It’s time to spread your wings and fly into a world where inclusivity and crispy chicken coexist in perfect harmony!