Credible media sources have reported that the United States Olympic Committee has made it clear to transgender swimmer Lia Thomas that the only option available to her – or him if you prefer – is to try out for the men’s team.

After an in-depth investigation, we’re pleased to report that this story is 100 percent true.

The US Committee hasn’t responded to our request for comment and there’s no official ruling on the books, but sources who say they have inside information believe the ruling constitutes a full ban from women’s swimming.

“We can’t confirm or deny it, of course,” said ALLOD correspondent Aubrey Nadinelson, “and as always, there’s no way to tell if our source is completely credible, but we have enough corroboration to rule the story true.”

Other outlets have reported that Thomas has left the world of swimming and moved on, but that doesn’t work nearly as well as tater bait, so here we are. There’s a distinct possibility that none of it is true, but for the sake of this fact-check, we’re assuring you that if you want it to be true or pray for it to be true, this article is all the evidence you’ll need to show your tater friends what’s really going on.

God Bless America.

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