Bud Light sales are down more than 80 percent this morning after Kid Rock let it be known that he really dislikes their use of a trans person in marketing campaigns. In response, Augustus Anheuser III personally fired the entire marketing department at the company.

“We have a very particular retail customer base,” said Anheuser, “they don’t like wokeness. They don’t agree that they should have to accept immoral people and their lifestyles.”

Former marketing director Joe Barron says he doesn’t regret the decision. “Every company does a pride thing. These idiots are all jumping to Coors when Coors started it. They’ve been advocating for LGBTQ rights for decades.”

That doesn’t matter, according to the vibe across the internet. If you’re a real American who loves guns and God and thinks Kid Rock is cool even though he writes shitty music, you’re probably in the process of switching beers. Michelob light is a great alternative, as is Natural Light.

“We’re getting a new marketing campaign up and running,” says Anheuser,” we’re considering asking Kid Rock to come aboard if he can forgive our misguided past.”

Kid Rock’s spokesman, Art Tubolls, said Kid is more than eager to entertain the notion if the price is right. God Bless America.

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